Roses For My Travels - A Poem

I've mentioned before that I used to write a lot of poetry when I was younger.  I can attribute this to my 9th grade English teacher, Mrs Leitner.  It was then that I learned the works of Shakespeare and became inspired to do some soul searching and bring my feelings of my past and my present (at that time) to the surface.

This is a poem I wrote when I was about 14 or 15.

Roses For My Travels

The story of my life 

Torn between worlds 

Having what you may want 

And wanting what you may have 

The less I understand 

The more I want to learn 

About life and new beginnings 

The way life should feel 

For a young adult, as I am 

Problems from changes 

And changes from problems 

It all leads to happiness 

Somewhere down the road 

Though my silence is getting too loud 

My heart is aching 

From time less spent 

Thinking about how I want to walk slowly 

Down this road of life 

And enjoy every moment 

And look around at all the scenery 

I have let pass me by 

"Life is too short," everyone says, 

"Enjoy it while it's still here" 

"Happiness is the key to success"

Live life and be happy 

Nothing is set in stone 

For life is unpredictable, just as it has always been 

Just as it always will be 

Learning to "stop and smell the roses" 

Comes harder for some people 

I would just like to stop and pick a rose, 

Carry it with me through time 

Through the winding roads of life's travels 

And stop a few miles down the road and pick another rose 

And another...as a memory; a keepsake

For all the moments in my life 

Where I was happy and content 

And by the time my roads have ended 

And my travels and explorations are over, 

I will be left with a beautiful bouquet of roses 

And never will they die 

They will just come with me into the light of day 

To a new world; Heaven 

So I could look down upon others 

And admire their beautiful bouquets of roses, 

Handed to themselves by their own success... 

Their happiness.

This poem was my way of healing through my parent's divorce.  I hated feeling torn between the two of my parents.  I was beginning to learn that some people just aren't meant to stay together even when kids are involved.  I began to understand that life is an incredible journey and you have to make the most of the moment you're in and do whatever you have to do to be happy.

Blogging On Empty

So tired.

Only on day 9 of #NaBloPoMo and part of me wishes I didn't begin this challenge because I don't find productive time during the day to start and finish a blog post, so I'm left getting a post in minutes before midnight.  BUT part of me really really enjoys this writing thing every day and I am proud of the days that have come and gone behind me with a daily stamp in them...but still it's hard.

Especially when you're tired.



Especially with a crying baby at 11pm...



For now, I'm going to consider this as a pitiful post and try for a real post tomorrow.



For now, I blog you goodnight.

Words

Photo Credit

Words.

Supportive.

Understanding.

Scattered.

Forgiving.

Embarrassing.

Healing.

Encouraging.

Feeling.

Becoming.

No matter the instance, sometimes you just have to get the words out.  Not knowing the words to say on how to speak your mind is a hard thing to swallow.  Sometimes I feel like words are stuck in my head and I can't get them out.  I can't tell people how I feel because I can't explain it.  I can't find the words to express the feelings I have.  It has to be one of the most frustrating things in the world for me.  I feel that I am a pretty  well educated woman.  I probably could have paid more attention in English class many times, but for the most part I'll give myself some credit.  I think my biggest problem with writing is that I don't know the words.  I feel ignorant.  I feel as though some of the not so good choices I have made in the past have prohibited me from consuming everything I was taught in life and in school and it hinders me.  Maybe if I were better able to express myself, people would be better able to understand me?

Words.

Thinking.

Consuming.

Searching.

Finding.

Learning.

Accepting.

Changing.

Growing.

Becoming.

Why, Thank You

Today, is 7th day of the month, which is also the 7th day into #NaBloPoMo and today I don't have enough steam to continue on and NOT use a given writing prompt for the day.  So to inspire this post, I have turned to the list of daily prompts and today's topic is : Talk about the last compliment you received.

I'm lucky enough to receive compliments every day from my sweet loving husband.  Everyday he tells me I'm beautiful, which is so kind.  Even on days when I don't feel pretty ,he tries his best to show me how pretty I am.  I appreciate the effort.  But the last compliment I received to date actually came from both my mom and dad, just a day apart from each other...

You are a wonderful mother.

Justin tells me this very frequently also.  This compliment may just be the best compliment that anyone has ever given me, and probably ever will.  Of all the things in life that I have done with pride, being a great mommy is the one that I strive for the most.  The fact that a life is relying on me to physically care for her, mentally care for her, and raise her to be a good little person is a tough job.  To be told that I am wonderful at doing just that...just puts me on cloud 9!  I've been told that I am a wonderful mother by many people and you know what, I believe them.  It's the only compliment I'll always keep in my heart and remember for a rainy day...or when I'm arguing with a teenager who didn't come home for curfew.  

I believe that I am a good mom.  I have lost many MANY nights of sleep to try to calm Annaliese to sleep.  I wake up with her at night because I am on "night duty" while I try my best to let my full time working husband get his rest.  I try to get her on a sleeping and eating schedule during the day so she would sleep better at night.  I take her to play dates and lunch dates with friends so that she has social interaction with other children.  When the weather is nice, I take her for walks so she can get fresh air and gaze at nature that she loves so much.  I read her stories at night and play dolls with her during the day.  I try to be supportive when her feelings are hurt because she fell when she was trying to walk.  I sing to her when she is upset and usually somehow it calms her down.  I try to teach her what the farm animals say when I sing "Old MacDonald" and she sweetly tries to mock me.  I also try to teach her what is acceptable to do and touch and what is not...such as the cat food.  Not a play toy.

I feel a very strong bond with my daughter and I wouldn't trade that feeling for the world.  Even at her young age of almost 13 months old, I believe that every day our bond gets stronger.  I know how blessed I am to have been given the gift of motherhood to a happy and healthy daughter.  She makes it easy for me to receive such a grand and meaningful compliment.  I would do anything for her best interest.  I will always do anything in my power to protect her when needed and console her heart from a difficult life lesson.  I would lay down my life for her and not even think twice about it.  This is unconditional love.

So you know what mom and dad, thank you.  Thank you for recently reminding me that I'm doing a good job in raising my little girl.  It means a lot to me that you, especially both of you, have verbally expressed this to me.  I hope to continue to make you proud and most of all continue to do the best that I can at being a wonderful mother to a precious little person who deserves the world.

In case you missed my post the other day, here is a picture of my little girl holding my favorite childhood toy/stuffed animal, "Re".  :)  My heart is so warm and fuzzy looking at this picture.

iVoted

Today, November 6, 2012 is Election Day.

Today I voted.

As a female American citizen, I exercised my right and privilege to vote.

And it felt good.

I only had to wait in the M-Z line for about 15 minutes until it was my turn to show my photo ID and receive my ballot.  The election poll aids were searching for my name....searching....S-K-I...nope!  I wasn't listed.  I started to slightly panic.  I was really excited to vote, and this being my first time voting at this polling location AND being the first time voting under my married name, I pretty much expected that there would be some issue.  I was right.

The nice elderly lady attending the A-L line overheard my slight dilemma and asked me what my maiden name was.  I told her, she looked and she found me in the A-L list.  So to the end of the A-L line I went.  I waited another 15 minutes (not complaining here, 15 minutes isn't bad at all) and when asked my name, I gave my maiden name.  I was handed my ballot, walked toward  a vacant booth and closed the curtain behind me.

I stood and thought about how important my vote is; my voice, especially this year.

Of course we, as people, live with a plan.  We're always planning for the future in some way or another.  When I voted today, I didn't just think of my future, my future with my husband, but I thought of my daughter's future.  I've always been conscious of the fact that my vote and our president would make a huge impact on our country and it's future.  I've always been aware that the history we make today will affect "our children and our children's children".  I was never able to have the heartfelt feeling of actually contributing to "our children" until today, because it directly affects me now, because I have a child who will be affected by this history we will make and will one day cast her own vote.

Having these thoughts at the poll and walking home from the poll (we live very close to our polling location), I had a new sense of pride that came over me.  I knew that I had made a difference, even in my own mind, because I voted.

Did you rock the vote?